rotting bones wrote: ↑Tue Feb 03, 2026 7:22 pm
To be honest, I would be happy with anything mutually unintelligible with English, even something close like Scots or widely known like Latin.
OK, let me start off easy with French. This is the text from
this comic by Boulet.
French is highly gendered and I haven't indicated it all over; just take it that all the nouns have a gender. I've also often glossed a plural with a plural noun.
Not gonna put it in table form, sorry. The inflection is simple, it shouldn't be hard to follow. Also I lost patience with the phonemic transcription halfway through. The phonetics are often going to be simpler yet.
Entretien avec un Vampire
õtʀətjɛ̃ avɛk œ̃ võpiʀ
interview with a vampire
Vampire:
Ceci est un authentique Stradivarius... offert par Antonio Stradivari en personne...
səsi e tœ̃ notõtik stʀadivaʀjus ofɛʀ paʀ ãtonjo stʀadivaʀi õ pɛʀsɔn]
this is a.M authentic Stradivarius / offered.M by Antonio Stradivari in person
This is an authentic Stradivarius, given to me by Antonio Stradivari himself.
Et derrière vous, un authentique Toulouse-Lautrec, du temps où nous allions ensemble à Pigalle !
e dɛʀjɛʀ vu œ̃ notõtik tuluz lotrɛk dy tõ u nu zaljõ õsõblə a pigal
and behind you / a.M authentic Toulouse-Lautrec / of.the time where we go.IMPFV-1p together to Pigalle
And behind you, an authentic Toulouse-Lautrec, from when we would go together to Pigalle.
Boulet:
Whaaa!
Ça aussi ça m'épate avec vous autres les vampires...
sa osi sa mepat avɛk vu zot le võpiʀ
that also that 1s.DAT amaze with you other-PL the vampires
That's another thing that amazes me about you vampires.
Nouns have no case, but pronouns have accusative and dative forms.
On a toujours l'impression que vous étiez toujours avec les personnes les plus intéressantes de chaque époque !
õ a tuʒuʀ læ̃pʀɛsjõ kə vu zetje tuʒuʀ avɛk le peʀsɔn le ply zæ̃terɛsõt də ʃak epɔk
one has always the impression that you be.IMPFV-2p always with the person-PL the most interesting-F-PL of each epoch
We get the impression that you were always with the most interesting people of each era.
In the past only, there is a special imperfective tense. In writing the simple past is used for the perfective (il parla = he spoke), but in speech the "past perfect" has taken over this role (il a parlé).
...En revanche ce sont presque toujours des trucs d'il y a cent ans ou plus...
õ ʀɛvõʃ sə sõ pʀɛsk tuʒuʀ de tʀyk di ja sõ tõ u plys
in revenge that be.3p almost always of.the.M.PL things of it there has hundred years or more
However, it's almost always things a hundred years old or more...
Worth noting that in writing you get the plurality and gender from the
endings, but in speech you can mostly get it from the preceding articles. Singular [lə võpiʀ], plural [le võpiʀ].
Vous avez arrêté de collectioner ? Vous ne fréquentez plus de célébrités ?
vu zave aʀɛte də kolɛksjõne vu nə fʀekõte ply də selebrite
you.PL have-2p stopped of collect / you.PL not frequent-2p more of celebrity-PL
Did you stop collecting? You don't hang out with celebrities any more?
Vampire, at a concert:
Taylor ? Bien sûr que je suis dans le public, je n'allais pas manquer Coachella, tu penses !
Taylor / well sure that I be.1S in the audience / I not go.IMPFV-1s not miss Coachella / you.S think.2s
Taylor? Of course I'm in the audience. I couldn't msis Coachella, what do you think!
French uses the 2p
vous for politeness, 2s
tu for informality. Note that Boulet and the vampire use
vous for each other, while Taylor and the vampire are on a
tu basis.
Spectator:
Allons, allons, j'adore la Californie !
go.2p go.2p / I adore.1s the California
Omigod I love California!
Taylor Swift:
Oh Edward ! Je suis si heureuse que tu aies pu venir !
oh Edward / I be.1s so happy.F that you.S have.SUBJ.2s can.PASSPART come
Oh, Edward! I'm so happy you were able too come!
There's also a separate subjunctive.
Vampire:
C'était un plaisir ! Et maintenant j'ai plein de... bracelets d'amitié pour ma collection !
it be-IMPFV-3s a.M pleasure / and now I have.1s ful of / bracelets of friendship for my.F collection
It's a pleasure. And now I have many... friendship bracelets for my collection.
(back to the interview)
Cette époque est... décadente. Nous les vampires ne sommes attirés que par les formes d'art les plus pures !
this epoch is decadent.F / we the.PL vampire.PL not be.1p attracted that by the forms of art the.F.PL more pure.F.PL
This era is... decadent. We vampires are only attracted by the purest art forms!
Rather than a superlative, French uses the definite article + the comparative. (plus pur = purer, le plus pur = purest)
Boulet:
Je me demande à quoi ressemblera votre collection dans 200 ans !
I 1s.DAT ask to what resemble-FUT-3s your.PL colleciton in 200 years
I wonder what your collection will look like in 200 years!
An appearance of the separate future tense.
200 ans plus tard...
200 years more late
200 year later...
Vampire:
Et là, c'est mon poster de "La revanche de Broly", dédicacé par Toriyama en personne.
and there / that is my.M poster of the revenge of Broly / dedicated.M by Toriyama in person
And there is my poster of "The revenge of Broly", signed by Toriyama himself.
I can't find the particular reference, but this is from Dragon Ball Z.
Boulet:
Oooooh !
Vampire:
Et dans cette vitrine, mon set Yu-Gi-Oh "Dragon Blanc Aux Yeux Bleus"
and in this.F showcase / my.M set Yu-Gi-Oh dragon white to.the.M.PL eye.PL blue.M.PL
And in this glass case, my Yu-Gi-Oh set, "White Dragon with Blue Eyes."
...Et là c'est une authentique Switch de 2020. Un petit Mario Kart ?
and there that is a.F authentic Switch of 2020 / a.M little.M Mario Kart
And there's an authentic Switch from 2020. A little Mario Kart?
Boulet:
C'est quoi ce singe tout moche dans le cadre, là ?
it is what that monkey all.M ugly.M in the.M frame there
What's that ugly monkey in the picture there?
Vampire:
Disons juste que je suis personellement allé à la Silicon Valley pour bouffer le connard qui me l'avait vendu !
say-1p just that I be-1s personal-ADV went to the Silicon Valley for eat the asshole who 1s.DAT 3s.OBJ have-IMPFV-3s sold
Let's just say that I personally went to Silicon Valley to eat the asshole who sold that to me.
I haven't indicated it, but French often has slang substitutions for words. Here, notably bouffer for manger 'eat', truc for chose 'thing'. However, the vampire generally speaks more formally than Boulet (or Taylor Swift), which makes his occasional colloquialisms more amusing.