Zompist Bboard Again

These so-called "dire wolves" are more just walking, breathing Game of Thrones advertisements than anything else.

On the positive side, this does provide an alternative to the costly process of importing animals for our zoos from countries now under staggering tariffs. Instead of importing giraffes from Africa, we can simply engineer their closest American relative, the pronghorn, into passable facsimiles. Granted these fake giraffes would have a serious case of the zoomies owing to their pronghorn roots which would make housing them tricky.

malloc wrote: ↑Wed Apr 09, 2025 4:08 pm On the positive side, this does provide an alternative to the costly process of importing animals for our zoos from countries now under staggering tariffs. Instead of importing giraffes from Africa, we can simply engineer their closest American relative, the pronghorn, into passable facsimiles. Granted these fake giraffes would have a serious case of the zoomies owing to their pronghorn roots which would make housing them tricky.

All the time, effort, and money put into producing these fake "dire wolves" would be far better put to use saving actual endangered species that exist in the wild from extinction.

Travis B. wrote: ↑Wed Apr 09, 2025 4:42 pmAll the time, effort, and money put into producing these fake "dire wolves" would be far better put to use saving actual endangered species that exist in the wild from extinction.

Well yes, I was trying to make a joke. Certainly I'm not trying to glaze these tech-bros.

malloc wrote: ↑Wed Apr 09, 2025 4:08 pm On the positive side, this does provide an alternative to the costly process of importing animals for our zoos from countries now under staggering tariffs.

most zoos try to avoid importing from the wild lately anyway, long before COVID and tarrifs.

Instead of importing giraffes from Africa, we can simply engineer their closest American relative, the pronghorn, into passable facsimiles. Granted these fake giraffes would have a serious case of the zoomies owing to their pronghorn roots which would make housing them tricky.

we can just import giraffes from Zimbabwe.

It's ok malloc, I got your joke

Travis B. wrote: ↑Wed Apr 09, 2025 1:18 pm while it would have been a bad idea if they had really "de-extincted" dire wolves,

Why? Sure, it would have been a waste of money and resources. But there are already creatures somewhat like wolves that are roughly the size of the largest wolves in the world - they're called "wolves". So I don't see why creating some more such creatures would have been that bad.

Raphael wrote: ↑Thu Apr 10, 2025 11:05 am

Travis B. wrote: ↑Wed Apr 09, 2025 1:18 pm while it would have been a bad idea if they had really "de-extincted" dire wolves,

Why? Sure, it would have been a waste of money and resources. But there are already creatures somewhat like wolves that are roughly the size of the largest wolves in the world - they're called "wolves". So I don't see why creating some more such creatures would have been that bad.

On second thought, to me the main source of harm I can see from creating these 'dire wolves', aside from being a colossal waste of money and resources that could be better used, is if some escaped and bred with real wolves and genetically polluted them.

malloc wrote: ↑Wed Apr 09, 2025 4:08 pm On the positive side, this does provide an alternative to the costly process of importing animals for our zoos from countries now under staggering tariffs. Instead of importing giraffes from Africa, we can simply engineer their closest American relative, the pronghorn, into passable facsimiles. Granted these fake giraffes would have a serious case of the zoomies owing to their pronghorn roots which would make housing them tricky.

Actually, you have a good point. What other exciting new AMERICAN!!! specieses can we expect to see in the future?

alice wrote: ↑Thu Apr 10, 2025 2:35 pm

malloc wrote: ↑Wed Apr 09, 2025 4:08 pm On the positive side, this does provide an alternative to the costly process of importing animals for our zoos from countries now under staggering tariffs. Instead of importing giraffes from Africa, we can simply engineer their closest American relative, the pronghorn, into passable facsimiles. Granted these fake giraffes would have a serious case of the zoomies owing to their pronghorn roots which would make housing them tricky.

Actually, you have a good point. What other exciting new AMERICAN!!! specieses can we expect to see in the future?

American Lion
American Cheetah
sadly, there's no American Short-Faced Bear, just a Short-Faced Bear

Has anyone ever done a filk/parody version of Blowin' in the Wind that simply replaced the title words with "42"? I couldn't find anything like that through the usual Internet search methods, but perhaps someone here knows something I don't.

Just got a letter from my lawyer about the speeding ticket. They say that my charge was negotiated down to illegal parking and that I must pay $225 for the fine. Considering the alternative was six months in jail, that seems like an improvement. Unfortunately it still leaves me with a criminal record that will make getting another job all the more difficult and I have no idea how this will affect my car insurance rates.

malloc wrote: ↑Thu Apr 17, 2025 7:53 pm Just got a letter from my lawyer about the speeding ticket. They say that my charge was negotiated down to illegal parking and that I must pay $225 for the fine. Considering the alternative was six months in jail, that seems like an improvement.

*nods*
congrats on the good news.

Unfortunately it still leaves me with a criminal record that will make getting another job all the more difficult

for a speeding ticket? man, those AIs in charge of hiring people, they sure are obscenely strict.

keenir wrote: ↑Thu Apr 17, 2025 8:49 pm

malloc wrote: ↑Thu Apr 17, 2025 7:53 pm Just got a letter from my lawyer about the speeding ticket. They say that my charge was negotiated down to illegal parking and that I must pay $225 for the fine. Considering the alternative was six months in jail, that seems like an improvement.

*nods*
congrats on the good news.

Seconded.

malloc wrote: ↑Thu Apr 17, 2025 7:53 pm Just got a letter from my lawyer about the speeding ticket. They say that my charge was negotiated down to illegal parking and that I must pay $225 for the fine. Considering the alternative was six months in jail, that seems like an improvement. Unfortunately it still leaves me with a criminal record that will make getting another job all the more difficult and I have no idea how this will affect my car insurance rates.

It may affect your insurance, but only convicted felonies are considered for job searching so on that front you're free and clear. This is more catastrophizing, please recognize it for what it is.

malloc wrote: ↑Thu Apr 17, 2025 7:53 pm Just got a letter from my lawyer about the speeding ticket. They say that my charge was negotiated down to illegal parking and that I must pay $225 for the fine. Considering the alternative was six months in jail, that seems like an improvement. Unfortunately it still leaves me with a criminal record that will make getting another job all the more difficult and I have no idea how this will affect my car insurance rates.

Probably the only impact on you will be having to pay the $225 fine. This will not make finding a job any harder (jobs do not care about your parking tickets) and the fact that it was negotiated down to a parking ticket makes it likely it will not even affect your car insurnace.

malloc wrote: ↑Thu Apr 17, 2025 7:53 pm Just got a letter from my lawyer about the speeding ticket. They say that my charge was negotiated down to illegal parking and that I must pay $225 for the fine. Considering the alternative was six months in jail, that seems like an improvement. Unfortunately it still leaves me with a criminal record that will make getting another job all the more difficult and I have no idea how this will affect my car insurance rates.

To a first approximation, speeding tickets are about revenue generation and don't matter. Incompetent municipal governments set them far below what any sensible person would do - where I last lived in the US there were roads that were almost highways and had a speed limit of 30 - and give their police departments quotas to raise taxes by lottery. Everyone who's ever owned a car has one.

Some localities with atypically virtuous rulers require studies of average road speed and place limitations based on the results thereof for what the speed limit can be set to. This ought to be standard but is very much not; there are even "ticket towns" like Linndale, Ohio which derive much of their revenue from speeding tickets for unreasonably low speed limits. The provinces are descending into banditry!

There’s a city in Ohio called Linndale. It is a very small city notorious for its revenue via speed trap. In Ohio, speeding cameras are illegal unless there is a cop sitting there physically to verify; Linndale—which has something like three city blocks of jurisdiction on the road, where the speed limit is 25 in the middle of the higher-speed roads in its neighboring jurisdictions—has a such a camera and stations a (conveniently one-way mirrored) guard shack under there. It’s notorious for tagging unwary motorists.

Just over the city line in Brooklyn is a billboard. Local vape shop franchise Planet of the Vapes helpfully installed a billboard alerting motorists to the change (and plugging themselves in the bargain). Linndale can’t do anything about it because it’s physically in Brooklyn. I love it.

<smartass mode> So Brooklyn borders a city in Ohio now? Things are clearly going really bad if, on top of all else that's happening, the planet's geography has started randomly rearranging itself. </smartass mode>

Raphael wrote: ↑Sat Apr 19, 2025 1:50 pm <smartass mode> So Brooklyn borders a city in Ohio now? Things are clearly going really bad if, on top of all else that's happening, the planet's geography has started randomly rearranging itself. </smartass mode>

Hey, if it brings in more taxes, why wouldn't regional borders get wibbly-wobbly? Imperial Rome would be proud.